self-pleasure for healing, empowerment, and bliss
the 6-week online course that will transform your relationship with self, body, & pleasure
February 14th - March 28th, 2019
You masturbate. And it’s alright—it’s a means to an end. You have a foolproof method, or a trusty vibrator. You have orgasms. Sometimes they feel a little hollow, and you need another one ten or 15 minutes later. You watch the porn that’s easily available, and it helps the process along. Yet your arousal feels a little shameful sometimes: why do you enjoy watching these people who seem fake or a little dead in the eyes, these women who showcase only one young, taut definition of beauty … why is this what’s attractive? You can easily brush this off though. You masturbate, you climax, you’re done. You can walk away from the porn, and not think about it again until you have that feeling again—that horniness or boredom or intense need for a tension release.
There’s another way to be with your body and your pleasure.
There’s a way that isn’t celebrated in our culture: a way that’s slower, more feminine, more embodied, and more authentic to your unique sexual expression.
In so many areas of life, we’re given a roadmap. Want to be a doctor or a lawyer? Here’s how.
In sexuality, the roadmap we’re given is: follow the male trajectory of arousal, climax and desire. Watch the mainstream porn. Conform your sexuality until it fits the mold.
And so many of us do that. We don’t even begin to question, to search outside the box, to wonder: what would my sexuality look like if no one ever told me how it should be?
This isn’t to say there’s anything wrong with porn or vibrators. If we’re having orgasms, if we’re connecting to our sexuality, that IS cause for celebration. But porn and vibrators … that’s maybe 5% of what’s available to us. It’s like having access to a few keys of the piano, a couple of ingredients in the kitchen.
What happens when we slowly incorporate access to everything?
What happens when we treat masturbation as a practice, as a crucible for healing, for self-transformation, for ecstatic pleasure?
My own journey with masturbation, in bullet points:
discover orgasm at age 5
get discouraged from having orgasms
have orgasms compulsively, like 20 times a day, in secret, always looking over my shoulder, deathly afraid to be caught (humping everything: armchairs, tables, toilet lids, etc.)
buy my first vibrator at 15
accumulate SO MANY vibrators, and begin a deep love affair with porn at 18
be “that cool girl” that men love, who overcompensates by talking about sex and porn all the time
go down the rabbit hole with porn, watching things that are more and more violent and depraved (a natural dopamine progression)
learn how to squirt! (pretty much for men—and I find for my body, the push to quirt doesn’t actually feel that awesome)
almost get a boob job and briefly look into labiaplasty (because I’m watching so much porn that I think there’s only one way to look naked)
break down sobbing one day after watching a BDSM porn starring one of my favorite actors—in a strange swirl of heartbreak, grief over missing my ex-boyfriend, and an almost existential crisis: “how did I get here? how is this what I enjoy?”
discover the yoni egg and sacred sexuality, and begin slowly shifting away from vibrators
begin self-pleasure practices that incorporate slowing down, staying in contact with breath, and being with what’s present in the moment
have more and more epic orgasmic experiences
have so much more self-acceptance during self-pleasure, and heal shame over my unique path to pleasure/the way I look as I pleasure
have more and more self-love and understanding when I’m not turned on or feeling desire
can handle not having a climax—I used to punch a pillow or sob, now the energy cycles through my body
suddenly realize one day that I haven’t humped my armchair in almost a year (my one remaining quick orgasm fix)
am able to tell my partner what I desire, what I enjoy, and what brings me pleasure
can much more easily say no and walk away from what isn’t serving me (in sex and life)
feel more alive, and have orgasmic experiences that feel nourishing, deep, and connected to God