Quickly, using the egg, and doing the exercises from the course, began to wake me up to a new turn-on and bliss. Instead of just being turned on in my clitoris, I began to feel a juicy aliveness all over. My eyes would roll back in my head during practices, as I felt the sexual energy move from my sacral chakra all the way up to the top of my head. My third eye would buzz, before I even knew what a third eye was. And yes, my vagina felt stronger, but also more supple. Alive. Sensational. Wetter (something I'd struggled with for years).
When we aren’t given options, we lose sight of the myriad of possibility around sexual expression. It’s harder to uncover our own unique desires and flavor of sexuality when there are no role models, and when “sexy” looks just one way in the media.
Sexuality coaching allows you to discover your own sexuality, free from the stories that have been given to you from culture, your parents, friends, lovers, etc. It’s a compassionate, held space where you can untangle the web of your sexual experiences and desires, and experience healing and integration.
I posit that sex is sacred because Life is sacred. We exist because of sex, and the act of sex couldn't be more natural. If Life is sacred, so is sex. Almost every person has a story of contacting their natural sexuality as a child—and having it shamed or chastised out of them, to live on in dark corners of the mind and body. When we're shamed about sex when we're young, it causes a lifelong undercurrent of self-questioning. We worry that we're sinners, or that there's something wrong with us. In our unconscious, sex gets connected with these false and disparaging thoughts.
It wasn’t until I did work around my childhood wounding and patterning that I began having aha moments. I realized I was the common denominator of all these relationships, and if they were all going the same way, it pointed to a certain someone fucking up: me.
Self-pleasure doesn't have to look like mainstream porn. It's one option, but it's not the only option. The masturbation we see in mainstream porn follows the biological male arousal pattern. Meaning: many people with penises get fully aroused (full engorgement) in 30 seconds - 2 minutes. Meanwhile, the bio-female arousal pattern looks different. It takes a full 30-45 minutes for full genital engorgement, lubrication, and therefore arousal.
Anything you’re trying to change in your life: a body part, a reaction, a state of being, an emotion, a disease—try a new tact, a different angle. Baby it. Ask it what it needs from you, and if it’s in your power, provide that. It might need rest or love. It might simply need to be heard. What it doesn’t need is shame, judgment, or fear.