I want to let you know, if you’re not sure what you like or how to express it, you're not doing anything wrong. As women, we aren't socialized to know what we want, and to ask for it. In fact, we're socialized to please. Compound that with the messages we got around sexuality (it's wrong, it's bad, good girls don't). Read on for how to discover yourself.
I posit that sex is sacred because Life is sacred. We exist because of sex, and the act of sex couldn't be more natural. If Life is sacred, so is sex. Almost every person has a story of contacting their natural sexuality as a child—and having it shamed or chastised out of them, to live on in dark corners of the mind and body. When we're shamed about sex when we're young, it causes a lifelong undercurrent of self-questioning. We worry that we're sinners, or that there's something wrong with us. In our unconscious, sex gets connected with these false and disparaging thoughts.
Self-pleasure doesn't have to look like mainstream porn. It's one option, but it's not the only option. The masturbation we see in mainstream porn follows the biological male arousal pattern. Meaning: many people with penises get fully aroused (full engorgement) in 30 seconds - 2 minutes. Meanwhile, the bio-female arousal pattern looks different. It takes a full 30-45 minutes for full genital engorgement, lubrication, and therefore arousal.