Those of us who have struggled with body dysmorphia or body hatred know that there's no easy way to describe the journey to body-acceptance. Still, I desperately want to be able to relate it to other women, because there is nothing more healing and powerful than being able to relax into who you are.

Imagine spending all the time you spend hating yourself and your body ... on something else. On hiking, or meditating. On getting a PhD, because it takes that kind of time and energy to keep up with the constant self-berating and shame.

Originally published July 15, 2017.

Usually I post blogs after I have the answer, but right now I don't. I have exhaustion, reactionary tendencies, and deep fears. All the human shit. All the fertilizer for the next beautiful upswing, which I will welcome with open arms. But for now, struggle. For now, a bath and cuddles with the dog. For now, I sit still, looking to the silence and the mystery for answers unspoken.

Originally published June 2017.

Am I enough?

Intellectually I know I’m enough, but seriously, what a bore intellect is sometimes. Tell it to the little girl inside me. The one who turns from me, shrinking and playing dead, as I quit the job I hate, and begin surrendering the process to god, growing my little atrophied trust muscle.

I want a glamorous trust muscle, I want it jacked and tan and vein-ridden. Goddess, hear my prayer. 

Emotional transmutation is taking a negative emotion, and removing some of the charge, perhaps neutralizing it over time. This process takes diligence, and a commitment to something many of us don't like: feeling our feelings. 

Originally published May 2017.

Right now I’m confused, looking at this site I’m creating. Am I creating it because I’ve drank the personal development Kool-Aid? Because I believe I need to have a high-end purpose that draws in six figures per year? (Ding, ding, ding, ringeth the bell of truth.)

Originally published May 22, 2017.