Lately my practice is to celebrate every bit of pleasure I’m feeling in self-pleasure (aka conscious masturbation).
You might be like, duh. That’s what the whole thing is about.
But if you’re an overthinker like me ... or have a wound around getting things right, your thoughts as you near climax might be more like:
“I really hope I have an epic orgasm.”
“That doesn’t feel good enough; my orgasm is going to suck.”
“Ugh, I really wanted to have a g-spot orgasm this time.”
When we have expectations, when we are judging the experience as it occurs ...
We’re not in the experience
and not feeling the sensations of our bodies the way we could be.
My practice now is to celebrate every bit of pleasure, out loud, in my head.
Saying “yes yes yes” like an 80s porn star. It’s so simple, yet it amps pleasure like crazy. I get this big smile on my face and sometimes laugh hysterically when I climax. It’s joyful. It’s a whole new world of feeling and playing.
And how often do we couple ecstatic joy with sexual pleasure?
How often do we let ourselves smile or laugh? We’re taught there’s only one expression of sexy—and we get way serious about achieving orgasm.
The next time you find yourself in a rut of judgment or thinking your experience isn’t enough, switch tracks. Affirm the good, and see what happens.
Focus on pleasure as you stroke, and notice when you’re doing something automatic, or letting your thoughts trail to your to-do list.
This is a way we cheat ourselves out of pleasure.
Stop stroking. Breathe. Come back to touching yourself in the moment, with curiosity. What does your body really want right now, where is the pleasure? Let it be surprising. Find something new.