Sexual energy is alchemy

Sexuality is alchemy

And alchemy is transformation.

Today I visited my self pleasure practice (which is so, so rare these days, considering my 6 month old son is always on me. He sleeps on me for most naps and I’m in bed with him from 7pm - 6am. It’s totally worth it to support him in this early phase of his life, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. And it’s a sacrifice).

I lied down with the intention of melting into pleasure.

Yet something else wanted to happen.

Instead of relaxing, my body tensed. I felt the anxiety and pure anger that’s been bottled up in me these past few months. The hell that was pregnancy. Taking care of an infant all the time, with not much left over for my needs. The huge strain that parenthood puts on a romantic relationship (possibly my least favorite part). 

The overwhelming sensation in my chest grew. I continued to self pleasure, allowing it. I started to slowly silently scream and let my face contort into rage. It’s so fucking hard, I mouthed and thought. It’s so fucking hard.

I climaxed and felt a little space free up in my chest, felt a bit more relaxation in my body. Felt some of the rage alchemize.

This kind of self pleasure practice marries sexual pleasure with a bit of a somatic experiencing practice.

It’s in this way we can use sexuality for something it’s meant for, before our Puritanical culture got ahold of it, and twisted it all up. We can use it for healing.

And that my friends, was a rage-gasm. Orgasms can have any flavor.

We’re most familiar with lust. Many people have shame-gasms without realizing it (when we’re ashamed of sexuality or what we’re watching/fantasizing about, shame and lust get all tangled up. It’s very high sensation, so it’s actually addictive!). We can have orgasms that are full of joy or laughter; grief-gasms; the list goes on and on.

Any emotion can be expressed and alchemized through self pleasure or sex with a present, attuned partner.

To try it yourself, set an intention before you self pleasure, such as, "I want to feel what's really here." Go a bit slower than you usually do, and take pauses to feel into your breath. As you build sexual sensation, notice what other sensations are present in your body. There's no need to go into the story of what is happening in your life. If the sensation becomes overwhelming, circle back to either your breath, or a place in your body that feels neutral. Don't force anything - you may find yourself on the way to a feelings-gasm, or you may need to simply stop and cry it out for a while.

If you’d like to shift and deepen your relationship to self pleasure, you can check out my course here. You'll get the tools to change your relationship to self-pleasure. The course was created for women and those born with vulvas, but several men have taken it and reported tapping into new types of pleasure and healing shame around it.

My first tantra teacher once said, we often only know a couple of notes on the piano, when it comes to sexual energy. There is an opportunity to learn and play them all.