From Compulsive and Numb ... to Ecstatic and Alive

I was someone who masturbated a lot.

I don't say that with shame or judgment, but I masturbated most times not out of a celebration of life or desire, but out of compulsion and boredom—a deep-seated desire to scratch an itch. Much like reaching for a brownie or ice cream, I masturbated to release tension and avoid my feelings.

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And it's funny, because looking back, it didn't really work. I mean, I had the orgasm. But so often the orgasm was hollow. It wasn't deep. It wasn't oceanic or epic or connected. These orgasms felt short and filled with a kind of desperation. I was left craving another orgasm, and another. One might call that multi-orgasmic, but that's not it. I was hungry and numb and longing for something more.

At the same time, I was completely shut down around partner sex.

I had a pattern of being what I thought was the "perfect" woman in the beginning of relationships—blowjobs on tap, lingerie, always saying yes, even if I didn't want to have sex. After a few months, that would give way to numbness. Quiet repulsion. Complete disinterest in the man I was with.

And it turns out, a passion for sex truly is part of who I am, part of my playful and pleasure-filled essence. But my overgiving, overcompensating, and side-stepping of my true desires in the beginning of relationship, all to please a partner rather than please myself ... all led to a resentment I couldn't even identify. The pattern was too deeply ingrained, and I didn't even know what I wanted during sex. I didn't know I could even ask for something different, or slow down to explore what that could be.

Enter the jade egg ...

Like many women, I bought a jade egg, tried it out on my own, felt nothing (except confusion and some self-judgment for "not getting it") and promptly lost it in a drawer again.

Then a friend gifted me a jade egg course. It was a very expensive course ... and a very simple course. Still, I was drawn to it and worked through each module, even though at first I didn't really get it. Why was it filled with yoga poses? Why was I meditating with the egg before inserting it? Weren't these just kegels we were doing with the egg? Where was my cervix and why did it matter? Why didn't we just get to the point?

The point for me at the time, very truly, was that I wanted to be able to give my partner better sex with my awakened vagina. While this possibility is very real ... the jade egg was about to awaken me to something else entirely.

Quickly, using the egg, and doing the exercises from the course, began to wake me up to a new turn-on and bliss. Instead of just being turned on in my clitoris, I began to feel a juicy aliveness all over. My eyes would roll back in my head during practices, as I felt the sexual energy move from my sacral chakra all the way up to the top of my head. My third eye would buzz, before I even knew what a third eye was.

And yes, my vagina felt stronger, but also more supple. Alive. Sensational. Wetter (something I'd struggled with for years).

I felt more connected to my body than I ever did, even after years of working out and doing yoga. I felt a new sacredness and tenderness for my vulva and vagina.

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This was powerful stuff, and it was happening on my yoga mat, in the span of a 15 minute practice (although I must say, sometimes I was having so much fun I stayed for an hour)!

The jade egg isn't the only way to sexual freedom. I've gained experience in all kinds of modalities over the years, and there are so many that have been helpful for me: breathwork, EMDR, a trusted therapist, reiki, Akashic record readings, astrology, ecstatic and shamanic dance, inner child work, depth psychology, conscious self-pleasure, womb massage, partner work, and more.

But the jade egg was my doorway. And she's a mainstay. I come back to my jade egg over and over, and my practice with her evolves ... and sometimes, I come back to basics with a renewed zeal.

In Jade Egg Magick, I teach you the basics and more. Not only the traditional Taoist methods, but other tools that will help you move through stagnancy and negativity. We'll utilize breathwork, one of the most powerful tools I've encountered, for both pleasure and healing. We'll connect deeper to our bodies than ever before, and gain a real connection to our wombs, vulvas, and vaginas. I'll also lead you through sex magick, the practice of using our powerful sexual energy in the service of something greater—in the service of any goal or desire you want to see manifest.

I really hope you'll join me for this round of Jade Egg Magick. If you're ready to step into the next iteration of your sexuality, one where you can discover your own, independent desires, one where you can return to your sexual innocence and shake free from a bit of our societal shame and pleasing tendencies as women ... this course is for you.

The next round of the course begins July 25th. Please take a look, I’d love to have you in the group!