Articles
on sexuality, empowerment, and self-growth
The things we've suffered, to be touched.
Those of us who wanted it. Those of us with a natural bend toward lust, those of us who knew somewhere deep inside that sex could be more. Those of us who kept seeking sex, even in this world where overly-male sexuality is the norm and the standard. Even in this world where male sexuality covertly silences female sexuality.
Most women can't ask for what we want because we can't begin to communicate it. We've been conditioned to be good girls, and good girls don't ask for things. Take me: I've been self-pleasuring since I was five years old (once you accidentally discover orgasm by rubbing against the corner of a coffee table, you don't go back). You would think that I spent my twenties taking the driver's seat and telling men exactly what I wanted during sex. Yet I couldn't figure out how.
I have been so focused on money and scarcity for the past nine months.How to heal the money story I've inherited from the culture and my ancestors, how to move from scarcity into a space of thriving. I have felt so stuck in my patterns. So stuck in the worry about money, so stuck in the obsession and the frustration that there isn't more flow.
And now, it has finally settled. Finally clicked. The scarcity is within.
Originally published July 2017.
Those of us who have struggled with body dysmorphia or body hatred know that there's no easy way to describe the journey to body-acceptance. Still, I desperately want to be able to relate it to other women, because there is nothing more healing and powerful than being able to relax into who you are.
Imagine spending all the time you spend hating yourself and your body ... on something else. On hiking, or meditating. On getting a PhD, because it takes that kind of time and energy to keep up with the constant self-berating and shame.
Originally published July 15, 2017.
Many women (and men, I'm sure) who identify as highly sexual have a bit of a problem.
I'm just going to call it as I see it, as I used to be this way as well.
Those of us who identify as highly sexual tend to leak our sexual energy all over everyone we see. We walk into a room, we survey for potential lovers, and we hone in on making them ours, no matter the cost, no matter who might be waiting for them at home.
Originally published July 2017.
Yoni Massage is a conscious exploration of your yoni (the Sanskrit word for the vulva, vagina, and genital area). In yoni massage, we don't go in with the explicit objective of pleasure (although you may feel pleasure!). Instead, we are exploring what is present in the moment. Yoni massage is a powerful crucible for self-healing, where you can release memories and energies that are held in the tissue.
"Girl, you're so tight."
Words that used to thrill me during sex. To me, this was the epitome of pleasure. My man was basically saying, "Mmm, you feel so amazing. I can tell you've done a lot of hard work to give me the utmost pleasure, and I approve of it. You are not only good enough, you're better than anything you're competing against—other women, porn, my memories. Your vagina is the best vagina and I'll never leave you, because no matter what happens to us, there is no way I'll ever find sex this good, anywhere, ever again."
Usually I post blogs after I have the answer, but right now I don't. I have exhaustion, reactionary tendencies, and deep fears. All the human shit. All the fertilizer for the next beautiful upswing, which I will welcome with open arms. But for now, struggle. For now, a bath and cuddles with the dog. For now, I sit still, looking to the silence and the mystery for answers unspoken.
Originally published June 2017.
